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marian
20 January 2012 @ 12:17 pm
[sticky post] hi :)  
making this my top post, but the latest posts are below this one :) do read this because you'll understand my LJ more :)

hi ya'll!

just in case you don't know, my icon is Kristen Stewart so you pretty much know who's my favorite :P

i used to be a fan of her ex, Rob, but yeah...things changed.

i do follow her but less than before...i am more involve to other fandoms these days. i used to creep on their private lives as well

i am more into my korean people now, BIGBANG as my favorite group #YGbaby

you might notice that my past posts are not Kristen or R/K or kpop related because

i was an obsessed japanese fan before.. yamapi fan.

i'm still a fan but my obsession now is kristen, YG groups (korean stuff + random other asian things LOL) and kathniel.
you probably notice a few bigbang and kathniel posts. :)

aside from YG groups, i like other kpop groups as well and do watch tons of dramas from korea, japan and taiwan (i won't post drama-related stuff though) -----updated: july 2015



some video for you :) this is from the RECENT chanel F/W Haute Couture Fashion show in Paris July 2015. Kristen opened the show and then theres GD's red hair XD YOU CAN WATCH THE WHOLE THING OR JUST UNTIL @ 1:55.. XD
 
 
Current Mood: pleasedpleased
 
 
marian
19 May 2016 @ 01:57 am
I'm gonna make a post for the sake of posting this photo LOL because im gonna make this either a header or my background like the crazy nerdy fangirl that i am



Anyway,

I'm working. I'm busy. I'm trying to not be depressed by working (and i think making frienships) and thinking that I'm actually achieving something.....still faaaaar from my destination. but. hopefully. this is the start of my journey. :)
 
 
marian
10 July 2015 @ 02:56 am
GD KRISTEN JULY 7 CHANEL PARIS FASHION WEEK.jpg
GD POSTED THIS ON HIS INSTAGRAM AND IM JUST WAAAAAAHHHH SOOOO FREAKING HAPPY THEY MET XD

MORE CHANEL PLEASE SO THAT MAYBE NEXT IT WON'T JUST BE ONE PIC BUT THEY'LL ACTUALLY HANG OUT XD
 
 
marian
21 February 2015 @ 02:05 pm


Actually what's even more exciting is that i got hired by two companies so now i have to choose



well, actually it's for an internship pero may bayad!!



Obviously kelangan ko ng trabaho kasi matatapos na ko mag aral so yeah lol
But alam mo yun, you went through the same process as like getting a real job and on top of that sa summer pa oh bongga!

Pero, like all the other worries meron parin akong worry..
Kasi first and for most, wala akong experience and wala akong enough knowledge tbh



And tbh idk why they hired lol



Pero i know that i need this, another step in my life. i need to commit and own up but you know...



sana lang kayanin ko..



i said to myself that when i get hired im gonna watch a drama and that's what im doing currently...
so now im gonna finish watching "She's so Lovable" the drama is okay not the very best so i find it boring and since i got hiredn 2x
may chance pa ako na maanood ng isa pa, imma choose something with good reviews this time lol

People may find it weird that this is a gift to myself pero usually kasi i don't watch dramas in the midst of a semester... XD
 
 
marian
13 September 2014 @ 02:53 am
iyak parin

from tears of anger balik nanaman sa tears of sadness

depression nanaman frustration nanaman

isip isip ng:

death
not being remembered
funeral will only be family the rest will go for the sake of going
cause im not really important to anyone
they will all say she's nice blah blah

pero people will just forget me like i didn't exist quickly

gusto ko ng matapos to kasi alam kong pahirap lang ako sa maraming tao

may wish ako sa funeral ko:

gusto ko ang pumunta lang yung mga totoong nagmamahal at feeling nila naging importante ako sa buhay nila
wag ng pumunta ang hindi naman or pupunta doon para maki sympathy sa pamilya ko. masaya na ako kung si mama lang ang andun.

of course i need proof kaya gusto ko lahat magsasalita. sabihin nila sa lahat kung bakit at paano ako naging mahalaga sa kanila

kung mapipilitan lang magisip. please wag nalang pumunta

mahahalata naman yung makasabi lang at yung totoong may pinaghuhugutan

i bet in this way, only my family will be there. or just my mom

im not making my mom feel lonely pero if or when this happens i just want her to know that im truly thankful with everything, sorry kung iniwan kita, wag mong igaya si bon sakin, palakasin mo siyang tayo inside and out. don't bare all the responsibility though. iparealize mo na kelangan niya matutong magisa but still remain humble and marunong rumespeto pero hindi duwag. thank you and im sorry again. my presence will always be near both of you. make bon strong so that you can lean on him as well. bon, take care of your parents. mag isa ka nalang, that doesn't mean you have to be spoiled. take responsibility, love, respect, don't be like me na huli sa lahat (i know you won't; you have a lot of friends and your doing stuff that didn't need the help of mama ^-^) sabihin mo ang kelangan mong sabihin but don't be rude. go to work at the right age, (16? 17?) and not later. if you have questions, ASK. hang out with your friends don't always say no to outings (that's why you have to work) pero learn to manage your money. your money is not only for you it's for your family. regulahan mo sila mama once in while. give them something or treat them to something on holidays (cards will do but not always!) LISTEN, LISTEN TO ELDERS. papayat ka ha at patangkad din hahaha. pag may problema try to solve it and not do it later. dahil maiipon lang yan. don't end up like me. LIVE YOUR DREAMS. MAKE GOALS and achive those goals. REALISTIC GOALS. pero isama mo ang family sa goals mo ha :) pag nafeel mo na ang konting success, think about LOVE (continue to achieve your goals though). don't forget to love :) love is everything, you need inspiration to move on everyday. be strong but learn to give up kung kinakailangan. success doesn't always have to be money. YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY, but everything should be balance. LEARN TO SACRFICE. you can't have everything. learn to adapt. adjust. you're not always right. you're not always wrong but you have to adjust and compromise on many things. it's hard to do the right thing but if someone knows what you're going through (for example, mama) they could help you do the right thing. talk to people. make friends that will last forever - hindi pagnatapos na ang school year, di na kayo friends. magipon ha. MAGTIPID (yan, dito mo ako gayahin. magpakacheap ka kung kinakailangan). have fun but know your responsibilities. nagiisa ka nalang. wala ng mas matanda sayo. i know you don't exactly rely on me but i think you are,  even for just a tiny bit.

oh ayan ang dami ko ng napayo. mama, bon. at okay, sige. papa. magingat kayo ha. ANG HEALTH. INGATAN ANG HEALTH. bawas instant noodle. sugar. coke!! chocolates. rice. eat the right amount lang. :) talk to each other. communicate. para wala ng matulad sakin. yun ang kulang sa pamilya natin. communication. and i know that already pero PRIDE AND FEAR ang pinairal.

oh and bon. magsasabi kay mama kung nasaan para hindi siya kinakabahan ha. magkwento ka din ng nangyayari sayo sa labas. like me whenever i get home from something. para naman maging updated si mama (another thing i do, that you should do well ^_^). be open. mama, i know sakin ka mostly nagkukwento now andyan nalang si bon. sa kanya mo na ikwento ang lahat hihi. andyan din si papa. kausapin niyo please para maging relate relate din. both of you.

sorry ulit pero at least matatahimik na ako, hopefully :) mahal ko kayo. thank you and sorry ulit. REALLY SORRY.
lots of love love love, bea. :)
 
 
 
marian
13 September 2014 @ 01:11 am
there are of tears of joy, tears from fangirling experience and tears of sadness (my usual case) and then....

there're tears of frustration.

he arrived past midnight.
everyone is still awake.
bro is still playing
mom doing laundry
im in my room

heard him opened the fridge and said "wala na namang makain"

i remember there are bread in the counter

he then said "oh eto. kanino to?"
bro: "wala"
"kakainin ko na to ha"
"sa susunod lagyan niyo ng pangalan ang sainyo (para di ko na kakainin)"

OMFG.

I LITERALLY WANT TO STEP OUT OF MY ROOM AND FREAKING CURSE AT HIM. SCREAM AT HIM.
"oh lagyan mo daw ng pangalan"
"sinasabi naman sayo kung pwede kainin ha"
"kung maka reklamo kala mo hindi marunong magluto"
"kung makareklamo kala mo hindi pinapakain"
"sasabihin sayo kung hindi pwede"
"wag mong isipin na sinasabi sayo kasi hindi pwede sayo lahat ng ito. dahil most of the time nagluluto para kay bon"
"dahil si bon hindi marunong magluto"
"eh ikaw na matanda na. marunong ka diba?!"
"pag kinain mo sa hapon walang kakain YUNG BATA NA HINDI MARUNONG"
"pucha nakakainis"

i want to say this 30 mins ago - when it happened.

pero like most cases, hindi ko magawa and as a result iniiyak ko na lang yung galit ko.
i don't remember (but im pretty sure i did it before) the last time i cried because of intense anger over somebody (which is most likely him always)

iniyak ko lahat, just trying to calm down.
im now still angry but already calm, that's why i can type this entry.

kung tutuusin simpleng bagay lang to
"oo sumasagot ako. pero alam mo kung ILANG BESES KO NG GUSTONG SUMAGOT? TINATAGO KO LANG PERO MARUNONG DIN AKONG MAPUNO. KAHIT PAPANO MAY RESPETO AKO SAYO KASI TATAY KITA PERO MARUNONG DIN AKONG MAPUNO"

"nakita mo na akong umiyak dati. pero wala kang halos narinig kundi iyak. yung mga narinig mo dati walang wala yon SA LAHAT NG GUSTO KONG SABIHIN"

i guess i haven't reached my limit cause i haven't said these ALL yet.
there's more to say, more to write "at least sinasabi ko sayo at hindi ko dinadaan sa parinig, NAPAKA IMMATURE PUTANG INA"


only way is to hide and cry.
 
 
marian
26 August 2014 @ 12:46 pm
I JUST DECLINED ANOTHER FUCKING LAKAD. SA CNE LANG TEH! CNE LANG DI KA PA SUMAMA

THE REASON IS WALA LANG. AYOKO LANG NAMAN GUMASTOS PUTANG INA.

AKALA KO KASI LIBRE. SABI KASI SAKIN LIBRE TAPOS NUNG NAG CHECK AKO DI NAMAN PALA\

KAYA THE NIGHT BEFORE NAG DECIDE NALANG AKO NA HINDI NALANG SUMAMA

SA WALANG KWENTA KONG UTAK KASI, AKO LANG ANG MAGBABAYAD

SO THE NIGHT BEFORE HIINDI NA AKO NAGPARAMDAM

FEW HOURS BEFORE NAGTEXT NA AKO KAY SHARMAINE NA HINDI SASAMA (KASI SIYA YUNG NAG-AYA)

TAPOS PAGDATING NG 11AM BIGLANG NAGSITAWAGAN NAGTEXT SILA (OBVIOUSLY HINAHANAP AKO) PERO ANG WALANG KWENTA KONG UTAK SINABI SAKIN NA WAG NG SAGUTIN IIWAN NAMAN NILA KO SA KAKAHINTAY NILA.

KAYA LANG ANG MAGALING KONG UTAK NAGREPLY DIN SA ISA (KATHLEEN) AT SINABING MAY "BIGLAANG LAKAD" SIMILAR TO WHAT ADREA TOLD ME YESTERDAY

SO NUNG MAY TUMAWAG ULI (SI LEO, RACHEL, J-ANN AND KATHLEEN ANG MGA NAGPARAMDAM) SI KATHLEEN ANG TUMAWAG. SINAGOT KO NA. AND GANITO YUNG PUTANG INANG CONVERSATION:

KATH: "ASAN KA"
AKO:"SABI KO DI NA AKO MAKAKAPUNTA" (SA WALANG KWENTA KONG UTAK HINDI AKO GALIT BUT I SOUNDED LIKE IT)
KATH: "AH OK SORRY SIGE" (BABA AGAD)

DI KO INEXPECT YUNG SORRY SO NUNG SINABI NIYA YON, ANG WALANG KWENTANG AKO, NA-GUILTY. SIGAW DITO. TAPON DITO. SAPAK SA SARILI DITO..IYAK PA. SIGAW PA. DABOG PA. AND IN GENERAL, I HATE MY FUCKING SELF SO MUCH.

EH WALA NAMAN AKONG GAGAWIN NGAYON. PUCHA!

AYOKO NA.







i need help. i need fucking help but i don't seek for one.



i know what to do. i'm just scared to do it.
 
 
marian
26 July 2014 @ 07:53 pm
SDTG  
SOOO I WATCHED SHE'S DATING THE GANGSTER YESTERDAY AND OMGGG RIVER OF TEARS TALAGA.

I SOOOOO WANNA WATCH IT AGAIN. BAKIT KELANGAN KONG MAGTIPID. WHYYYYY

FAVORITE SCENE WAS WHEN THEY CONFESSED TO EACH OTHER THAT THEY LIKE EACH OTHER NA.

SOMEBODY HAS TO POST THE ENTIRE MOVIE NOOOOWWWW....TTT.TTTT

in the mean time, here are some gifs that i found on tumblr ;D







this is too cuuute:


some bts:
[i find this spoilerish because these are bts. lol]



which one is reel and which ones are real? ;)
 
 
marian
02 May 2014 @ 02:23 pm
since RK broke up... i lost my essence of being a fangirl (LOL, so deep i know)

i love entertainment and my main reason of being an RK fan is because they're together in real life. so when they broke up my 100% fangirling mode changed to 20%

 of course that didn't last long. i can't just sit here and wait for them to get back together (which, i doubt will happen)

so you know, i've spent my year fangirling other people (unintentionally...i didn't just decide to fangirl other people...i miss fangirling that's why when the opportunity came i grabbed it)

i remember posting kpop here...if before they're just a second fandom, now they're my firsts kind of

GOT TO BELIEVE happened https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyl0-qOr6Nw

while that series was airing, i got curious and decided to watch it (trailer looked like a kdrama and the actors are popular in the philippines so i was really curious why they're popular)

SO NOW, kathniel is kind of my new RK....not exactly similar, because i feel the shade when i see them together, they're young and they're tooooo showy in public which is the total opposite of RK (i still base my shipping judgements to RK - nobody beats them in my heart still)

even if i don't entirely believe their relationship. i ship them because they're just too cute LOL.

if on RK = i'm more of a kristen fan, on kathniel = i'm more of a daniel fan, dj.

okay... too much rambling...here's a fun clip from the DOS concert



AND A SWEET CLIP <333 love this song <3
 
 
marian
02 May 2014 @ 11:50 am

so i got a call from fv foods. hiring daw sila full time pero part time lang ang habol ko. nung nalaman ko na sa bathurst yung location nag no na agad yung utak ko kasi i think na malayo siya which is true pero hindi ko inisip yung possibilty na baka pwede sa summer lang or kung anong oras (nalaman ko lang na morning through my mom) or kung sino yung kausap ko... LAHAT. nagNo ako sa lahat. isa pang factor is bagong gising ako.. so ang nasautak ko ay tulog tapos icombine mo pa na sa bathurst yun... definitely No kaagad.......

pero nung kinausap ko si mama... narealize ko na pwede pala. nakuha niya yung email nakuha niya lahat ng info kahit di siya pwede. baka pwede nila ako tanggapin for the summer lang. kung eemail ko sila.....

kinausap ko si mama. sinabi ko na na ang issue ko is about the distance. sabi niya "eh ano? opportunity naman yun" "tska kung or summer lang naman why not" di ko iniisip un kasi sabi part time at di ako pwede pag may school. sabi niya "alam ko yung ayaw mo. pero pag nag oo kaba sa interview. ang tanong, kaya mo ba? kasi kung hindi wag ka na lang mag email"

kung yun ang basihan.... wala talaga akong makukuhang trabaho kasi Ngayon. NGAYON habang nagttype ako, sa utak ko, wala akong kayang gawin......

Cashier or server daw hanap nila. kung tutuusin madali, tapos puro filipino pa kasama mo. pero nararamdaman ko na di ko siya kaya...

wala akong experience, mas lalo akong natatakot magemail. maaga ka din dapat andun everyday. another factor para katakutan ko. pero wala ng mangyayari sakin kung lagi akong ganito.

Pinagiisipan kong magemail. pero mas go akong wag na lang. pero BAKA kayanin ko... kahit alam kong hindi. and baka mapahiya lang ako kung mag eemail ako sabi nga ni mama.... alam ko she meant no harm pero dun sa mga sinabi niya parang mas lalo akong na-discourage....

kung hindi ko kaya wag na....
kung mapapahiya lang wag na....

eh kung ganito lang naman ang sinasabi niya. bakit pa ako magaaply? ...

 
 
Current Mood: depressed 24/7